Written by Dr. Paul Kelly, C.Psych. July 30, 2024
Little Things are gestures of affection and care.
What are the 4 Kinds that Work?
How can they help you get the relationships you need and deserve?
Read here to learn more.
Table of Contents
- What are the Little Things?
- 4 Kinds of Little Things That Work
- Benefits of the Little Things
- Personal Note and Reading Recommendations
What are the Little Things?
The Little Things are small, everyday gestures of affection and thoughtfulness. They show your partner that you care about them and are thinking of them.
The power of these little things is often overlooked.
But if you make them a habit – your relationship will be stronger and more resilient.
Use them to keep things sweet and make things sweeter in your relationship.
4 Kinds of Little Things That Work
Let’s look at the 4 kinds of things you can do to keep your relationship sweet and make it better. Can you think of some other examples that would please your partner?
1. Give a Compliment
Tell your partner that you love and appreciate them. Tuck a note into their purse of backpack. Thank them so others can hear.
Hassan still lives with his parents. He sends Jasmine a text every morning, saying “I love you.”
2. Acts of Kindness
Do something thoughtful and kind like make breakfast or take care of a chore they dislike. Bring them a cup of tea while they are reading.
Alexander and Jessica live together. He is crazy about Cappuccino Yogurt. It is hard to find in their neighborhood. Jessica watches for it and buys a bunch whenever she can find it.
3. Physical Touch
Simple acts like a touch on the shoulder, holding hands, or a hug when you meet mean a lot. When you hug, relax into it and really be with your partner.
4. Quality Time
Put your phone away and give your partner your full attention. Let them share how they are feeling, what’s on their mind. Don’t rush this part. Be willing to sit in silence for several minutes. Perhaps just hold hands.
I know it can be hard to find a few minutes if you have kids or an endless list of things to do. But I be you can figure it out if you decide to. Help each other to set aside the time.
Benefits of the Little Things
Dr. John Gottman has studied the importance of everyday kind gestures in relationships. He knows that couples have positive moments and negative moments together. The Little Things we are talking about here add to the positive moments.
They build a reservoir of goodwill that couples can draw on in touch times. Then if the couple has a fight, they can recover quicker, and their relationship is still strong. You can add to your Goodwill Bank by doing the things that your partner will appreciate.
Dr. Sara Algoe says that the Little Things are a booster shot for romantic relationships. Her research shows that everyday gestures that benefit others can be a powerful way to develop and grow a close personal relationship.
Small gestures of thoughtfulness and consideration will help you and your partner appreciate and support your each other.
Personal Note and Reading Recommendations
My wife and I have a saying: “12 Hugs a Day.” We don’t always get in exactly 12 but we always get in a few. Hugs and the other little things have helped us have 45 good years together.
I wish you well with your relationships. It is too easy to forget about the little things that help people feel appreciated. You can be the person in your circle who doesn’t forget. Offer compliments, do small kindness for others, and your relationships will grow and deepen.
These readings will help you go deeper.
Algoe, S.B. et al. It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17 (2010), 217-233. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/Algoe-Gable-Maisel-2010-Its-the-little-things.pdf
Gottman, John & Silver, Nan. The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost Relationship expert. Harmony. Revised edition. (2015)
