Written by Dr. Paul Kelly, Revised August 25, 2024
Do you wonder if you need a new therapist?
This article can help you decide.
Learn the Warning Signs that you may have a Poor Therapist.
Then you can make a safe decision.
Table of Contents
- Why Your Therapist Matters
- Therapist Personality Flaws
- Is Your Therapist Unprofessional?
- Is Your Therapist Incompetent?
- Is There a Mismatch?
- Do You Need a New Therapist?
- Tips For Finding a New Therapist
- A Personal Note
Why Your Therapist Matters
Psychotherapy can be very helpful if you have a good therapist. But, if you end up with a poor one – the odds are high that you will not improve, and you could get worse. That’s why your therapist matters.
This article tells you what to watch for. You can learn the warning signs for poor therapists. If your therapist shows several warning signs, you should get a new one.
Don’t blame yourself if you need to replace your therapist. It is very difficult to tell if someone will be a good therapist until you have worked with them.
You can trust the warning signs. They are based on client surveys and very solid psychotherapy research. I use them myself when I hire or fire therapists for my Clinic.
There are three kinds of warning signs to watch for: therapist personality flaws, signs of unprofessional behaviour, and incompetence. You should also watch for a mismatch. The therapist may be good but still not be right for you, if you don’t ‘click.’
Therapist Personality Flaws
Some therapists have personality flaws that make them poor therapists. Clients have identified four warning signs: inflexible, unengaged, uncaring, and insecure.
If your therapist has any of these warning signs, you would be better off with a different therapist. Check the examples below to see if you need a new therapist.
1. Inflexible Approach
Aja: “My therapist insisted that her favorite type of therapy was best. When I asked questions about it, she raised her voice and shut me down.”
Dimitri: “I brought in a book I wanted to talk about. My therapist refused to look at it or discuss it.”
Why This Matters? You cannot improve if your therapist is too rigid. Some therapists won’t listen to you feedback and then change what they are doing. They come across as proud, narrow-minded or stubborn.
You deserve a therapist who will listen to you, who cares about your feedback and preferences. Therapy works best when your therapist collaborates with you.
A rigid or inflexible therapist will not do that. If you end up with an inflexible therapist, look for a new one.
2. Unengaged
Janice: “My therapist was just going through the motions. They seemed bored.”
Kevin: “I was crying and told my therapist something important. She said ‘Sorry, what were you saying?’”
Why This Matters: You deserve a therapist who pays attention to you. Some don’t. Their attention drifts during the session. They aren’t prepared when the session starts.
They don’t follow through when they promise to do something. They don’t remember basic information or important facts. You have to remind them about what you talked about last session.
Anyone can have a bad day. But if you therapist is regularly unengaged, you should look for a new therapist. You deserve someone who cares about you and pays attention.
3. Uncaring
Reza: “She was polite, but she didn’t seem to care about me. She never showed any warmth or empathy.”
Sophia: “My therapist was judgmental. She won’t see things from my point of view. She blamed me.”
Why This Matters: You need and deserve a therapist who cares about you. Therapists who are emotionally distant or uncaring don’t deserve your trust. They will make you feel unheard and unsafe. Find a therapist who is warm hearted, who shows that they care about you. This doesn’t mean that they always agree with you. But they should be kind and nonjudgemental even if they disagree.
4. Insecure and Anxious
Jamie: “My therapist was afraid when I got emotional. She was walking on eggshells. It was obvious she couldn’t handle emotional situations.”
Riley: “My therapist just repeated phrases from therapy manuals. It was like listening to a parrot. They were hiding behind their training.”
Why This Matters: Some psychotherapists lack emotionally maturity. They are too insecure to be good therapists and they are out of touch with their own feelings. They don’t understand themselves and they don’t have good insight about people.
If you feel like you must protect your therapist’s feelings, then you need a new therapist. Find someone who is confident and humble, someone who can handle their feelings and yours. Then therapy will be a safe place for you.
Is Your Therapist Unprofessional?
Your therapist should act like a professional. If they are too personal or casual, therapy will not go well. Clients have identified five kinds of unprofessional behavior: superficial, informal, breaking confidentiality, nontransparent, and trust violations such as microaggressions and sexual behavior.
Check the examples below to see if you need a new therapist.
1. Superficial
Ethan: “My therapist was too chatty about trivial stuff. She avoided any deep conversations.”
Layla: “My therapist was superficial. She just gave me cheerful pep talks.”
Why This Matters: Psychotherapists should be willing and able to talk about intense or deep topics. If they are always superficial it is a sign that they can’t handle your pain.
They can’t help you with deep things. It may also be a sign that they don’t have the knowledge or competence to help you with serious problems. A superficial therapist cannot help you do the real work of therapy.
2. Informal
Michael: “My therapist took forever to get down to business. She just rambled on about her life. I think she’s lonely.”
Nadia: “I know more about my therapist’s mother than she knows about mine. She is constantly talking about her family.”
Why This Matters: Some therapists treat their clients like friends or family. They are too familiar and talk too much about themselves. They should respect professional boundaries.
It is not your job to be your therapist’s friend or to take care of them. Psychotherapists should act professionally even if they are stressed or tired. If your therapist is too informal, the real work of therapy cannot happen.
3. Breaking Confidentiality
Kyra: “I heard my therapist gossiping about me with a colleague. They were laughing about my problem.”
Mei: “My therapist published a journal article. It was about me. Anyone who knew my family would have recognized me. I felt betrayed.”
Why This Matters: You have a right to confidentiality. Therapists must follow rules about privacy. They cannot tell anyone about you without your consent. Some therapists may talk with a supervisor or consultant to get advice on how to help you better. They need your consent to do this.
I take confidentiality very seriously. For example, in my blog posts I always change information so no client can be identified. Check here to learn more about how I protect confidentiality.
4. Poor Communication – Non-Transparent
Carlos: “My therapist suggested we do an exercise. I asked how it would help. She couldn’t explain how it would help for my problem.”
Sara: “We never talked about my goals or how to get there. I asked her but she couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me.”
Why This Matters: You need a therapist who can be clear and open with you. You have a right to know what your therapist thinks about your problem. They should be able to explain how their treatment will help you meet your goals.
If they can’t explain these things, there is a good chance that they don’t know what they are doing. You also have a right to ask them about their training and credentials. If their answer is sketchy that they may be incompetent or hiding something.
5. Trust Violations – Microaggressions and Sexual Behavior
Harpreet: “My therapist asked, ‘Where are you really from?’ when I said I was from Brampton.”
Jasmin: “He kept complimenting me about my hair and eyes during a video therapy session. It felt creepy.”
Why This Matters: Successful psychotherapy is based on safety and trust. When a psychotherapist engages in microaggressions or inappropriate sexual behaviour, they break this trust.
If your therapist makes you feel unsafe, judged, or devalued, trust your intuition and reaction. Inappropriate sexual behaviour or comments are unethical. You therapist should not sexualize or objectify you.
Your therapist should also be mindful of the power imbalance is your relationship. If you point out a microaggression, they should be humble, learn and apologize.
The therapist has a responsibility to address your concerns and help you feel respected and safe. If they cannot do this, then you should look for a new therapist.
You can report unethical behaviour to the therapist’s professional college. The college will investigate and take appropriate action. The colleges take these complaints seriously.
Is Your Therapist Incompetent?
Despite years of training, some therapists are not competent. They lack the knowledge to understand your problem and the skill to help you meet your goals. Watch for these five warning signs of incompetence: unstructured, too passive, poor knowledge, poor cultural competence, and poor assessment or understanding.
1. Unstructured
Ethan: “Our sessions seemed random. There were no goals or direction to the sessions.”
Jasmine: “My therapist would interrupt me and announce, ‘Time to Stop.’ She didn’t have a clue about how to wind down a session.”
Why This Matters: Therapy is more effective when you and your therapist are clear about the goals for your work together. And your therapist should help keep you on track. Not all therapists are good at structuring sessions. Some let you talk too much about irrelevant things. These unstructured sessions are a poor use of time. Some styles of therapy have a looser structure, but every session should spend time on something meaningful.
2. Too Passive
Ava: “My therapist just listened and nodded. She never gave me any advice or taught me anything.”
Hannah: “She never challenged me. She never asked me to look at my stuff even when I clearly overreacted to what my partner said.”
Why This Matters: Some therapists are too passive. They never teach any skills or offer any advice. They think it is enough to just listen. Good therapy is more than just listening. If your therapist is too passive for you, ask them to be more active. If they can’t or won’t, then you need a new therapist.
3. Poor Knowledge
Olivia: “My therapist wanted me to do exposure therapy, but his explanation was very poor. I knew more than he did from watching YouTube videos.”
Arjun: “My therapist didn’t seem to know anything about complex trauma.”
Why This Matters: Your therapist should have expert knowledge about your problem or condition. They should also be able to explain their treatment plan. What will they do?
Why did they decide on that approach? How will it help you? If they lack knowledge, they cannot guide you properly.
4. Poor Cultural Competence
Quinn: “I am a trans man in transition. My therapist was clueless. They used the wrong pronouns and told me it was just a phase I was going through.”
Hassan: “My parents barely escaped a genocide. I grew up in two worlds, ‘back home’ and Canada. My therapist didn’t understand how hard that was for me.”
Why This Matters: Your gender identity and cultural background need to be respected and acknowledged. It will be easier to trust that your therapist ‘gets you’ when you can be sure they are familiar with these things.
Many therapists have a broad understanding of identities and cultures. They may have developed this competence from their personal background or from dedicated study. You have a right to ask you therapist about their cultural competence.
Then you can decide if they know enough to feel right for you. At the very least, determine if they are open minded, non-judgmental and not trapped in stereotypic assumptions.
5. Poor Assessment or Understanding
Nadia: “My therapist didn’t listen. She gave me a diagnostic label, but she didn’t understand me.”
Mariam: “My therapist didn’t get me. I reminded her of someone else and she forgot I was my own person.”
Why This Matters: You deserve a therapist who understands you. When they explain what they think is going on, it should make sense to you.
If they don’t get it right at first, they should be willing to listen and change their minds. If they won’t listen or can’t learn from what you tell them, you should look for a new therapist.
Is There a Mismatch?
This final category is not about bad therapists. It is about the fact that some people don’t ‘click’ with each other. Call it a matter of taste or intuition. You may feel that you and your therapist are not a good match. When there is a mismatch, it can be best to try a different therapist.
Margot: “I just didn’t ‘click’ with my therapist. Her vibe was too different.”
Anna: “I met with my therapist for three sessions. They were kind and competent, but they just didn’t feel right for me.”
Sometimes a therapist is competent but still not right for you. There is a mismatch. For whatever reason, you and a certain therapist may not ‘click.’ When this happens, it is okay to look for someone else. Now that video therapy is standard practice, you aren’t limited to therapists near you. For example, people in Ontario, Quebec, and Atlantic Canada can all get help from my Clinic.
One of the therapists at my Clinic used to have a streak of purple in her hair. Some clients felt a connection to her because of that. Find your ‘purple hair therapist’ if you need to.
Do You Need a New Therapist?
The Warning Signs Test can help you decide whether you need a new therapist.
Here is what to do.
- Read the warning signs with your therapist in mind.
- Count the number of warning signs that apply to them. This gives you their score on the Warning Signs Test.
- If there are no warning signs, you have an exceptional therapist. Keep them.
- If there is one warning sign, talk to your therapist about the issue. If they can fix the problem, then it may be okay to keep them.
- If there are two warning signs, you should probably replace them. Only keep them if they acknowledge their mistakes and agree to make changes. Even then, keep track. If they backslide, replace them.
- If there are three or more warning signs, get a new therapist.
The Warning Signs Test is good starting point for thinking about your therapist. The number of warning signs gives you an idea about the seriousness of your situation. A poor therapist will not help you improve, and they may make things worse.
Some of the warning signs are Red Flags. For example, if your therapist does or says anything sexually inappropriate, don’t give them a second change. Replace them. Consider reporting them to their professional college. You can do this anonymously if you wish.
Tips For Finding a New Therapist
We share a common concern. Both of us care about finding good therapists. You need one. I need quite a few. We should both be very picky to make sure that we get excellent help.
I have spent years learning how to identify the best therapists. I am happy to share what I have learned. The warning signs in this article point out what the red flags to avoid. There are also positive things that you can watch for.
This blog article: Tips on how to identify an effective therapist tells you what positive qualities to look. The therapist qualities include: they are good at helping you feel heard, understood and respected; they give you a sense of hope and optimism; they are not afraid of your feelings; and they check in with you each session to find out if the session was right for you.
Would you like to save some time?
You could start by meeting the therapists on my team. All of them have passed the Warning Sign Test, so you can trust that they are good people and good therapists.
A Personal Note
I have been in your shoes. When I was a student, I worked with a couple of therapists. My first one was kind but too passive. ‘Too Passive’ is an important Warning Sign. I know that now, but I did not know it back then.
Later I worked with an excellent psychotherapist and the therapy was very helpful. I care that you get good help. That’s why I wrote this article – so you would have some guidelines about what to watch for when you pick a therapist.
I made a promise when I started The Mindfulness Clinic: All my therapists had to pass the Warning Sign Test – they had to be good people and good therapists. I have kept that promise.
That is why my team is smaller than a lot of other places. I only keep therapists who are effective, kind, and approachable.
Sources
I have selected and reviewed all the sources for this article. I have hired and supervised hundreds of therapists. I also fire therapists when they aren’t good enough to keep. The clients at my Clinic deserve no less.
- Alfonsson, S, et al., Psychotherapist variables that may lead to treatment failure or termination – A qualitative analysis of patient’s perspectives. Psychotherapy, Vol. 60, No. 4, pages 431-441, https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/pst0000503
- Castonguay, L.G.& Hill, C.E., How and Why are Some Therapists Better Than Others: Understanding Therapist Effects, American Psychological Association, 2017.
- Miller, W.R. & Moyers, T.B., Effective Psychotherapists: Clinical Skills That Improve Client Outcomes, Guildford Press, 2021.
